Here are five more parenting tips for fostering a healthy sense of self in your twins or other multiples.
6) Adjust standards and expectations for individual child.
Parents of multiples have to remember that their children are individuals. While we want to be consistent in the way we treat each child, it's important to avoid imposing an unfair double standard on twins. Even though they may look and act identically, they are different people, with different needs, strengths and weaknesses. It's not easy to maintain this attitude. Early on when one of my babies learned to crawl several weeks before the other, I thought, "What's wrong with her? Why isn't she keeping up with her sister?" Eight years later, I still find myself imposing unfair comparisons between the two, and I constantly remind myself to keep my expectations in check with their individual needs and issues.
7) Point out and praise unique characteristics.
It seems that people are infinitely curious about how twins are alike and different. Use that curiosity as an opportunity to point out and praise unique characteristics of each child, giving each child a chance to share the spotlight. By focusing on their good, but different, qualities you build their self-esteem about themselves beyond the context of their twinship.
8) Celebrate individual achievements.
Last year, one of my twins won a writing contest at her elementary school. While I was bursting with pride at her accomplishment, I was very concerned at how my other daughter would react to her sister's success. I felt strongly that we should celebrate the award, despite the possibility of jealousy and hurt feelings. It was a good lesson in how to manage competition between the girls. We learned to validate each child's feelings about the situation, and when the time came, we celebrated the other's individual success with equal enthusiasm.
9) Preserve individual memories.
Many adult twins report a regrettable lack of individual pictures of themselves, especially as infants. As a parent, I know how difficult it is to get one photo moment captured, much less separate shots of each child. It can be even more of a challenge to identify "who-is-who" once the pictures are developed. But everyone deserves their own set of baby pictures and their own baby book. Take the time to record each child's memories through photographs and writings.
10) Identify possessions -- his, hers, ours.
Beginning with the womb, twins share so much in common. Parents can help strengthen a sense of individuality by making sure their children's possessions are clearly identified. Each multiple should have something to call their own, whether it is toys, books or clothes. This need increases as twins grow up, and parents can help by creating and enforcing rules that respect individual privacy and property. |
