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What's Different About Parenting Twins?

2009-07-02 Author:Pamela Prindle Fierro Source:About.com

Parenting Twins and Multiples vs. Parenting Singletons


"Mine were born 19 months apart, and its just like having twins." How many times have you heard parents of singletons make remarks like this? I've realized that it's pointless to argue this issue. It's my opinion that having two singletons is nothing like having twins. If we're chasing sympathy, I'd offer that having two of different ages is actually even more difficult in some ways. But it's not the same as having twins or multiples.

So what's different about parenting multiples?


The Absence of Birth Order Dynamics

Singleton siblings spread out over several years develop a natural order. Aside from influencing personality development, birth order often sets the standard for how children are treated in families. Older siblings lead, younger siblings follow. Older children have more freedom, but also more responsibility, as they mature. Younger children watch and learn from their older siblings. There is a natural disparity of ability due to age.

But multiples are the same age, and -- usually -- at the same stage. They face milestones simultaneously. They become mobile at about the same time, potty train simultaneously (generally), and start school together. Although some parents impose birth order personality characteristics on their multiples based on who was born first, it's a false designation. Without the defined roles established by birth order, multiples invent their own version of a pecking order, and often their parents have to deal with the fall-out.

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